Tonight I am just so tired and frustrated. It's my fault that I'm tired, I haven't been making myself go to bed early enough, and even when I'm tired when Little One is down for a nap I still don't nap. And then this morning he got up at 6, which is no big thing I can deal with that. But this evening he was playing by himself so I figured I would take a small power nap, as in laying down with my eyes closed but waking up to any and all noises just in case something happens. The last time he went into the kitchen/dining room and got his bowl that had previously had dry cereal in it and was now only holding crumbs. He dumped out the crumbs, possibly by accident and was holding the bowl. When I went and told him to put the bowl back he instead put it on the floor and tried to pick up a speck from the floor. I asked again and he still didn't so I gave him a small spank, I gave him a few more chances and made sure he knew what I was talking about but he still wouldn't listen. So this time I got out The Spanker, also known as the wooden spoon, asked him if he wanted a spankin' and told him again to pick up the bowl. He still didn't! So I had to give him a spankin'. Even after that he would not pick up the bowl! So, since it was late enough, I made him go to bed, which he protested and then he said "pick up bowl." So I allowed him to go and pick up the bowl instead of going to bed but he still wouldn't pick it up. So now he is in bed, going to sleep too early. The worst part is there was no one here to back me up or come in and take a turn. Theres no way to defuse the stress if the only other person with is some one who is disobeying you. I'm only alone because he has to work, but he has to work so often anymore that sometimes I do feel like a single parent, which is far from his fault. I love every minute of it, but every once in a great while, there are tiny little seconds that come in and frustrate me. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and I have no way of coming back down from the anger without someones help.
Those tiny minuscule moments, even though they nearly never happen, really hit hard and they stick. I miss the times where I was surrounded by people who where there for me, rather then being miles away from everyone I know.

Evening Rant

I realized tonight that it has been a very long time since I have warn lip gloss. I know I'm a mom now so there's not a whole lot of glam, there wasn't before either, but I used to wear makeup every once in a while. I haven't worn makeup since a good bit before Jimmy-Jack was born. Working as a "waitress" I would get gussied up most nights. Partially for fun, but also to look put together on the job. I guess even a good amount of time when I did house keeping I would wear makeup. It didn't have to be much, maybe just some eyeshadow, but it was something. Maybe that, and shedding a few pounds, would help put some pep in my step. I love my Jimmy-Jack, and he makes me super happy, but when I'm not with him I could use a little pick me up.

On a side note I really do want to loose some weight, what I really want is like 30 pounds but I'm not really a go getter in this field. I want to find something that I can do that isn't a chore, but also that I don't feel ridiculous doing by myself (dancing of any kind.) I walk with Jimmy-Jack to the mail box everyday, but that very much is not enough.
What I really need is a kick in the butt kind of motivation for this. I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see, yet that isn't even enough to get me to do something about it. I might once or twice here or there but that isn't anywhere near enough to actually make any kind of change.

I want Jimmy-Jack to grow up and make healthy choices, but if he sees me and my habits I'm afraid that wont happen. I try to eat healthy but instead of a sweet tooth, I have sweet dentures... If I have a craving for something sweet, usually chocolate, I try to fill it with a sweet cereal, but that doesn't do it so I go to something else, maybe fruit, still doesn't fill it. On and on until I eventually find something that is actually quite sugary ("caramel popcorn") and I have eaten more then a days worth of food. But I also see myself eating all the chocolate and feel bad about that. It is a loose loose situation.

I also love salad, but once a bag of lettuce is opened I wont eat it if it has been in the fridge for more then a day. It just grosses me out. Plus I put a good bit of ranch on it so it pretty much cancels out the good.

Anywho, I'm getting pretty tired. I guess my side not turned into the main topic...
Goodnight, sweet dreams

Late night

I absolutely can not sleep. My mind wont stop and my tummy keeps growling, even though I had a big bowl of pasta not long before bed.

Jimmy-Jack was super fun today. He woke up with a start and just got better after that.

He doesn't like being on his tummy for very long, and usually starts fussing when he can't quite figure out how to crawl. But today he did really well. He wasn't quite happy, but he wasn't sad either, and he made his way about two feet! lol. He puts his little head down every time he goes to move. It's really cute.

He has also been having a hard time with drinking out of a bottle. I figured he just didn't like the nipples we were using so I tried the other ones and presto! He got it. lol. This will make our super long road trip much easier. Now if only he could change his diaper while staying in his car seat. lol.

Nap time

Jimmy-Jack has gotten good at falling asleep on his own, but I have not yet gotten used to it. I will be in the kitchen making some food while he is in his playpen fussing s little, and then I'll get the the living room (all 5 steps away), I'll put down my food and turn to pick him up and he's asleep! It shocks me every time.

I'm so proud of him though. He learned very quickly. He learns everything quickly! I can't believe how big he is getting, nearly 4 months old!

I decided

I decided I really like blogging. Even though most of what I have to say is just jabber, it's still neat.
It's getting late, for me, and Jimmy-Jack has decided he is not tired. So he is in his play pen getting his energy out while I am sipping some hot coco and "surfing the web." Ha, I haven't thought of that phrase in a while. It kind of sounds like something dorky to say, like something no one says anymore. Like saying World Wide Web. It's just funny.
I was thinking earlier about how much everything has changed in the world so quickly. It's kind of like each time something got invented more got discovered even faster, and that happened each time. I mean think about it, we have light so easy for us and they use to use candles! Of course before that was just the sun. Can you imagine what it was like to see the first candle, how did that even happen?! I'm not very imaginative so it is hard for me to see how people can think up new crazy things.
Take a hairbrush for example, who thought of that?! I can't imagine Eve brushing her hair. When did people even start caring how their hair looked? There might be obvious answers but I don't know them.

Cooking

So I'm not a very good cook, I don't know how to make many things. I do love to bake though. Recently I, however, found breaded chicken. So easy and quite tasty. Eat anything long enough and it gets old, sadly. I can make spaghetti, boil noodles.... I make super good boiled eggs. But that's about it, well that and pancakes.

I really need to learn new, preferably easy, recipes. Especially with Thanksgiving coming up. It's not going to be anything special this year, but I would like it to be in future years.

So, if anyone has some good recipes, or sites, please let me know!

Humph

I have come to learn that Field Ops are no fun. About once a month Alex has to leave and be gone anywhere between 2 days to a month. It makes it pretty hard to be married, we miss eachother like crazy when he's gone and get easily upset when he's home. It takes time but we are slowly figuring things out. It's easy to get along when you are away from one another and can just miss each other. We just need to figure how to deal with the little things that agitate us, like every couple does. Of course it's mostly me. I like things a certain way and get easily upset if they aren't done so. I would like to blame it on my being OCD, and it is, but that is something I can overcome. I just need to buck up and do it. Most the time I think about what I'm saying before I say it, but when it comes to these situations I don't think about it until after and then I realize that it was pretty ridiculous. Alex has been very patient with me about it but it doesn't take long for it to get under his skin. So now we argue about arguing about little things. We both know it's redundant. We are slowly figuring it out. It doesn't help, though, when he has to be gone for days at a time and then we have to start the process all over.

We love each other and we will get through it. Love isn't something that is easy, it takes work. And we will work until we get it.