Evening Rant

I realized tonight that it has been a very long time since I have warn lip gloss. I know I'm a mom now so there's not a whole lot of glam, there wasn't before either, but I used to wear makeup every once in a while. I haven't worn makeup since a good bit before Jimmy-Jack was born. Working as a "waitress" I would get gussied up most nights. Partially for fun, but also to look put together on the job. I guess even a good amount of time when I did house keeping I would wear makeup. It didn't have to be much, maybe just some eyeshadow, but it was something. Maybe that, and shedding a few pounds, would help put some pep in my step. I love my Jimmy-Jack, and he makes me super happy, but when I'm not with him I could use a little pick me up.

On a side note I really do want to loose some weight, what I really want is like 30 pounds but I'm not really a go getter in this field. I want to find something that I can do that isn't a chore, but also that I don't feel ridiculous doing by myself (dancing of any kind.) I walk with Jimmy-Jack to the mail box everyday, but that very much is not enough.
What I really need is a kick in the butt kind of motivation for this. I look at myself in the mirror and hate what I see, yet that isn't even enough to get me to do something about it. I might once or twice here or there but that isn't anywhere near enough to actually make any kind of change.

I want Jimmy-Jack to grow up and make healthy choices, but if he sees me and my habits I'm afraid that wont happen. I try to eat healthy but instead of a sweet tooth, I have sweet dentures... If I have a craving for something sweet, usually chocolate, I try to fill it with a sweet cereal, but that doesn't do it so I go to something else, maybe fruit, still doesn't fill it. On and on until I eventually find something that is actually quite sugary ("caramel popcorn") and I have eaten more then a days worth of food. But I also see myself eating all the chocolate and feel bad about that. It is a loose loose situation.

I also love salad, but once a bag of lettuce is opened I wont eat it if it has been in the fridge for more then a day. It just grosses me out. Plus I put a good bit of ranch on it so it pretty much cancels out the good.

Anywho, I'm getting pretty tired. I guess my side not turned into the main topic...
Goodnight, sweet dreams