Tonight I am just so tired and frustrated. It's my fault that I'm tired, I haven't been making myself go to bed early enough, and even when I'm tired when Little One is down for a nap I still don't nap. And then this morning he got up at 6, which is no big thing I can deal with that. But this evening he was playing by himself so I figured I would take a small power nap, as in laying down with my eyes closed but waking up to any and all noises just in case something happens. The last time he went into the kitchen/dining room and got his bowl that had previously had dry cereal in it and was now only holding crumbs. He dumped out the crumbs, possibly by accident and was holding the bowl. When I went and told him to put the bowl back he instead put it on the floor and tried to pick up a speck from the floor. I asked again and he still didn't so I gave him a small spank, I gave him a few more chances and made sure he knew what I was talking about but he still wouldn't listen. So this time I got out The Spanker, also known as the wooden spoon, asked him if he wanted a spankin' and told him again to pick up the bowl. He still didn't! So I had to give him a spankin'. Even after that he would not pick up the bowl! So, since it was late enough, I made him go to bed, which he protested and then he said "pick up bowl." So I allowed him to go and pick up the bowl instead of going to bed but he still wouldn't pick it up. So now he is in bed, going to sleep too early. The worst part is there was no one here to back me up or come in and take a turn. Theres no way to defuse the stress if the only other person with is some one who is disobeying you. I'm only alone because he has to work, but he has to work so often anymore that sometimes I do feel like a single parent, which is far from his fault. I love every minute of it, but every once in a great while, there are tiny little seconds that come in and frustrate me. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and I have no way of coming back down from the anger without someones help.
Those tiny minuscule moments, even though they nearly never happen, really hit hard and they stick. I miss the times where I was surrounded by people who where there for me, rather then being miles away from everyone I know.